Merry Christmas and end of the year roundup! (p.1)

Wow. I can't believe it's under a week until Christmas day. I don't know where this month - and this year has gone. I've been rather absent from this blog in the last few weeks, and I apologise for that. I didn't mean for this to be my first post of December, but for various reasons I haven't felt like blogging, and I've been rather under the weather. But I'm feeling a lot better now and looking forward to Christmas!

Recently, I was wondering what have I actually achieved this year? (Yes, I've been feeling rather down). But, looking back at this blog and some of my writing projects, I realised that actually, yes, I have been rather productive, and on the whole had a good year. Sure, there have been really sucky things, but on the whole, it hasn't been a disaster!

First off, this blog - I've kept it up to date, and been able to get into a semi-good routine (that's slipped recently, oops!).  Among other things,

I've written about NaNo,
YALC, which took place in the summer and was amazing,
returning home to live in the countryside again,
a magical year with MuggleNet,
another trip to the Harry Potter studios,
A YA masterclass with Sarah Crossan and Julia Churchill,
Fowey,
and my beloved cat, Posie.

While I wasn't so good at blogging regularly at the beginning of the year, I've certainly got more into a routine this second half of the year - writing about countryside things and things to be grateful for! It's safe to say that it's certainly been a year full of twists and turns. It's funny isn't it, looking back on the year, and seeing what has and hasn't been achieved, unexpected things that have happened, and more. I suppose I have achieved more than I thought, and it's not all bad things.

Writing wise, I have revised Treading Water a couple of times, and got it up to a good standard. I've had good feedback on the story too. I've completed two full length first drafts (and a shorter one), and started at least two other things that I have since abandoned. I've written several short things and done lots of things for MuggleNet - plus I completed my MA.

And now, to celebrate Christmas and all that it brings. To eat lots of yummy food, spend time with people I love, do festive things, sing carols and catch up with friends.

I hope everyone reading this has a really wonderful Christmas and a very happy new year. Merry Christmas to you all - and thanks for reading over this past year!

One last post to come this year - what I'm looking forward to next year.

End of an Era

"I'm going back to a time when we owned this town
Down Powdermill lane and the Battle grounds
We were friends and lovers and clueless clowns

I didn't know I was finding out how I'd be torn from you
When we talked about things we were gonna do
We were wide-eyed dreamers and wiser too"

Sovereign Light Cafe - Keane
 
And so, my last few days living in Exeter are coming to an end (for now). I'm leaving soon, heading back to the countryside after five years, and I can't wait. I'm ready to leave this city, although I love it here and have so many happy memories. I'm ready to get back to the country and enjoy the summer (while writing my disseration...).

Over the last few days however, of course I've grown nostalgic, and there are going to be many things I'll miss.

Of course I'll miss the wonderful people, and my wonderful friends.

I'll miss being able to walk to the Boston Tea Party and hanging out there and writing, and being able to walk to the library and Waterstones when I fancy it.

I'll miss walking down to the river and the quay, and up to campus.

I'll miss only being two hours from Fowey.

But it's been a wonderful five years, with it's ups and downs, and it'll be tough to leave. I've got my dissertation still to write, and then it'll be the end of my university career (for now anyway). I can't believe it's been a whole five years - so nearly there now. I'll be glad to finish, but I'm so glad I've done it. I wouldn't change anything in the world.

In the last few days, I've said lots of goodbyes and gone over lots of happy memories, many of which seem to have happened a long time ago! But they're good memories to have. It's hard to leave, but it's the right thing to do.

So, in the slightly changed words of Darren Criss/Harry Potter/Starkid:

"take it easy Exeter... it's been totally awesome." 

See you soon Exeter! It's not goodbye, just.... see you soon*.

*That's totally a quote from something, but I'm not sure what. Anyone know?

And here's some bonus nostalgic Starkid lyrics:

"You can't hold on to what's gone
Don't try to fix it, just move on
Only then you'll see the world
All brand new"

Everything Ends 

2I don't wanna see you go
But it's not forever, not forever!
Even it was, you know that
I would never let it get me down

'Cause you're the part of me
That makes me better, wherever I go!
So I will try, not to cry
But no one needs to say goodbye... "

Days of Summer 

Reading YA and Editing

This past week (or is two now?! it's crazy!), as I've been fangirling and squealing over John Green and riding high on a cloud of love and happiness, I started to think about how I came to openly love reading YA novels and not be ashamed. Because there is this thing around them. That they're for teenagers and they're a lower sort of literature and not as good, and all this RUBBISH that is perpetuated. I know this has been blogged about countless times, but I just felt like I wanted to add to it.

And yes, there have been times when I've felt embarrassed to be out and about reading some because of their awful cheesy titles and I just want to scream it's really well written! Leave me be!

Somehow with John Green it's okay.

I've been rereading them all, and carrying them around, and as I sit reading, hoped many a time that someone would come over and say 'Hey I love John Green', or 'DFTBA'. 

But I don't care so much anymore about what people think when they see me reading any sort of YA. Because I know it's good. I love it, and why should I be embarrassed about what I know is good and what I enjoy reading?

So thank you John Green, for reminding me that YA is cool.

And there's my brief thoughts on that.

A quick writing update; I am editing again. I think I mentioned before that my wonderful CP, Laura gave me amazing feedback on my story and so I have been obsessively editing it. It has been great to be able to see it with a fresh perspective. I was so stuck in the thought that 'meh, it'll do', that I just couldn't be bothered. Now somehow I have a whole new energy for it, and have been excitedly editing. Yes, I am actually ENJOYING editing. I did one edit through, with Laura's suggestions and my own careful rereading of it all, and now I am going through it again, reading it out loud, which is SO painful but so worth it. It's mad how many silly things you pick up on once you start reading it out. I always put it off because of the sore throat that happens, but it's so worth it. So I'm working through it like that at the minute, obsessively making sure every sentence reads well. Phew. I needed to do this. I'm delighted (at the minute) with how things are going. Yay!

Writing weekly exercises for class too, which is challenging, because developing a new story and characters in a few days is difficult. This week I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and have written a 29 year old male character as the MC for the exercise. And I actually like it. What a crazy world!

In other news, things are busy at the minute, this term is always crazy, but this year there are added things (my own fault) but I like being busy. And it makes me more organised!

Family are down this weekend to celebrate my birthday early (as it's half term) so I better go get ready!

Frustrated

Guuuuuys.  I have to go out in about twenty minutes, I've been in all day, I'm not ready to go, and it's now I decide I NEED to do this. Of course. Typical.

Anyway. Had my first fiction seminar last Wednesday, which was good. It's certainly different from the poetry module and will be much more work, but I'm looking forward to it. I think it'll will be good. Except we've been set an exercise to do this week, and I seem to have frozen. I guess because I have to step out of my usual style a bit, and do something I'm not used to. Create a host of characters, that you dont' have to do in poetry in quite the same way. And it's frustrating me. I can't get this story right. It's just so irritating. I'm hoping to crack it tomorrow; but I guess part of the problem is I've got other things I want to work on! We have to email it round as well, and so I want to get it right I guess.

We have to keep a notebook too - which I've done before and I do that anyway, I was expecting that anyway, but I've started a new notebook with a bit to go in my other way to keep everything together and that upsets me. And I haven't really been writing anything in it yet. Mainly because I've been editing Love-All and doing other things, and I feel like they don't really fit. But that will all come together I'm sure. Excuse my babbling - only a short post, but I just wanted to get my frustrations off my chest. I better go get ready!

Edits are going well though - quite a lot to still do and lots of plot detail to be added and worked out, but I think it's going alright. Went through and worked out which chapters still need lots of work and it's quite reassuring to see it all laid out like that. Need to do some brainstorming though!

RIGHT. Better go!

Anxious

I don't know if I should be writing this, but I'm going to.

I'm scared.

Scared about starting my MA.

I'm sure that's just natural, because it's something new, although I'm going back to the same place and living with good friends and things like that, and going back to a place I love, but that end of summer anxiety is kicking in, and I'm scared.

I want to do it. I really do. But part of me, that horrible doubtful part, is wondering why I'm doing it - why I'm putting myself through this. Do I really need to do it? Will I gain anything by it?

Too late really to have those doubts.

I mean, I'm excited. I'm definitely excited too. I do want to do it!

It's just things are going to be different. Of course they are. But it's going to be good. It's just these stupid anxieties and nerves. I feel a bit better now....

Also, I got a new camera yesterday so I have been snapping away and it is all very exciting. I love it! It's a bridge camera, so it takes awesome photos. And Murray's through to the US open final. Awesome.

p.s. Next time I post, I'll be back in Exeter!!

Writing, End of Term, Home and Awards.

Writing has been going slowly. I have realised that there are certain parts that I obviously really dont' want to write, as they go really slowly, but I found a later bit I wanted to write earlier and I managed to hit 30,000 so that was good. I'm happy with that. Although it seems that I keep leaving it until late in the evneing, when I have so much other time I could have done it - instead I've messed around with blogs and stuff and well anyway, here we are.

I'm going home tomorrow. It feels very weird. The house is all packed up and it's strange that this is the last week, it has absolutely flown by! And today, typically, is an extraordinarily busy day, but I suppose that's a good thing - particuarly as my results come out today (ahh). Scary! I can't believe how quickly the last few weeks have gone. I don't think it's quite sunk in yet, and I'm glad I'm coming back or I think I would be distraught right now. But because I'm coming back if hasn't quite sunk it I don't think. It probably will when I'm on the way home tomorrow. It's going to be a busy weekend too, so that will probably stop me thinking about it too! Oh well. What with going home and stuff I don't know when my next post will be - my Camp Novel might also suffer too.

Also, I wanted to just say that Andrea and Laura have both given me awards, which I will blog about properly, sorry I haven't yet! But thank you :)

Anyway. I better try and do some writing before I go out today. 

Drawing and Writing

Although I'm not very good at it, I like drawing. I started a few summers ago, just teaching myself and enjoyed drawing cartoony versions of, for example, the tenth doctor, Jack and Ianto (basically whateevr I was really into at the time). I got very praticed at drawing people in suits and ties... haha.

Anyway, I kept it up for a while, but then things got busy and I stopped. You know how things can work in phases sometimes? Over the last year or so anyway I've been busy, and making time for writing has sometimes been hard enough! I think also I associate it with the summer, so it becomes something I do whent he weather begins to get nicer... anyway. I know I'm not great and it's just a little hobby, but I've recently begun again. I can only draw for one thing people facing front, standing up, in a very cartoony way, but I enjoy it. It's fun. To get myself out of the rut of drawing the tenth doctor over and over (not that i mind.. really), I decided to set myself a little challenge. I decided to draw a Starkid a day. There's quite a lot of them so it could go on a while, which is good, and I've started by drawing each one in a few of their different character appearances each day. It's good fun, and allows me to draw the same person over and over, but in slightly different guises. It's good pratice too. So far so good - I've done that three days running. We'll see how it goes!

In other news, I've decided to do Camp NaNoWriMo, the June one, at least to begin with. I love NaNo as it just gets me writing so I'm looking forward to doing this. I decided to take an idea I had a while ago, vaguely started and then abandoned. I'm reworking the idea a bit and I'm looking forwad to seeing what happens there. It should be fun! It'll be good to get into some sort of writing routine before the summer, which will hopefully stick. Although I've got lots of projects I'm vaguely rewriting and editing at the moment, I do feel a bit lost, and so it will be good to just have something to get on with. I alwyas like that. It means I know what I'm going to be writing every day, and I like that. Bring it on!

I've also got a stack of books from the library I'm looking forward to reading. Yay!

Waiting to hear if I got on the masters course next year as well *fingers crossed*

It's weird, but although I'm trying to do lots of writing, and I'm doing drawing and lots od readfing, my stock reply, when people ask me what I'm doing now I've finished, is 'ah, not much really. but of reading and stuff'. Why can't I be more honest?! I'm not ashamed but I act like I am... I just don't want to explain it all I guess. Oh well. Dual lives and all that.

It's all over!

I've handed my dissertation and my last essay in. And that's it. It's all over. Done. I don't think that it's quite sunk in yet and that I don't have anything else left to do regarding my undergraduate degree. I hadn't really thought about the after (when do I ever?) and so now a long period of time stretches out in front of me. What next?

I have just applied for a masters course in creative writing, here in Exeter, which hopefully I'll get onto, so that's something for the next two years (I'm going to do it part time I think, and then I can work as well. I feel that that would be a good thing to do....) and I'm excited about moving onto this next step, and being able to stay here in Exeter. Yay!

I'm looking forward to being able to focus on some proper writing in the next few weeks, and months, and be able to sort out everything that I've abandoned since focusing on my dissertation and stuff. Lots of editing to do! I suppose in many ways, I don't feel finished, or like I have nothing left to do, because all those things that I want to do, like ediitng and writing and all of that, have now just moved to the front of the queue, if you get what I mean and so in that respect I still have lots of stuff to do. Which I like. It's kind of scary to have finished this stage in my life... it's a very weird feeling. I'm kinda glad that I'm hopefully staying on.

Lots of the Glee kids are about to graduate high school (in the TV show) and although I got annoyed with how ridiculous it got, and only kept watching because of Blaine/Darren Criss, it's weird how the last few episodes have really made me think about the fact that I'm going to be graduating soon.. it's strange how it ties in and kind of corresponds to me... as many of them are uncertain about their futures or not sure what they want to do, I feel in kind of the same place, although not at the same time. It's made me quite emotional recently actually... oh dear.

On an unrelated note, but sort of related because this happened after I handed all my work in yesterday, I saw the Queen! And Philip! She came to open a new university building. It was very very exciting, and she even waved at us. Very exciting to actually see her in real life! It was wonderful. And it turned out to be such a warm day which was lovely, and I spent it with a lovely group of friends, which was all very unplanned, but worked out so well. Yay!!

Finally - I've reached the end of this academic year |(sort of ) and kept a blog the whole time - yay! Go me!

dissertation woes

The last week and a bit has absoutely flown by. In that time I've got back to Exeter. I made it back in one piece, although the rain fall since I've been here has been crazy. Oh well. It's absoutely wonderful to see friends again, although since Tuesday I've been mostly stuck at home, trying to finish this disseration and this essay.

I've got to the point where I'm not really getting anything productive done in the day - I keep getting really distracted by stupid things, I got a really good couple of hours back in my favourite cafe yesteday which was really good, but today hasn't been so good. I keep making small silly changes and trying to reread it, and I'm getting to the point where I'm thinking when do I stop? when do I say that's that? I'm fully concious of the fact I have to get it bound, which I want to do sooner rather than later, ideally tomorrow or Monday. But is tomorrow too soon? I'm thinking of leaving it until Monday... but... I don't know.. it's hard to know. Because once I've done that, that's it. Arggggh. I know it's not 'perfect', but I don't think ther'es much more I can do really.

I've also got my essay to finish and I keep umming over that too. That can be finished more last minute as it doesn't have to be bound or anything, so I'm telling myself to leave that until after the weekend. Oh man, I'm so bad at taking time off! And less than a week to go until hand in. At the same time I'm a perfectionist, I also can't wait to get it all in, and.... I don't know. I shouldn't be getting so stressed out but I am. I keep going from 'yeah it'll do', to 'this is rubbish and awful'. I suppose that's when I should take a break. A couple of people have read it (my disseration) which has been very helpful, but I still don't know. The thing is I think I always want to do what's right, when really I should do what's right for me, or what my gut's telling me....

I suppose in many ways its like writing (creatively). It's the nature of editing and rewriting. I'm never satisifed with what I write. Or even if I am, you always feel that its not quite right... do you know what I mean? I suppose it's knowing when it's the right time to stop.  When do you know though? I always, and I know other people have the same dilmenas and thoughts, swing between loving something and then hating it. At the minute I hate one of my projects and I'm ready to give it up, but then in the back of my mind I think, well I spent so long working on it... don't give it up... yet. And then other things seem more enchanting or much more fun to work on, and I suppose it's better to work on them for the time being. As long as I'm doing something. I got a little sidetracked here, I apologise. It's nearly over.

One last thing - the blogspot change.... it confuses me. I'm one of those people who hates change and it is just baffling to me this new layout. I'm sure I'll get used to it, but I keep clicking on the wrong buttons. 

Exciting Things

Woah. I haven't blogged in over a week. I apologise.

I have been busy trying to finish my dissertation and essay, and getting ready to head back to Exeter next week (yay!). Just over two weeks until it's all handed in. That's a little bit scary... Writing wise things have slowed down a bit, although I have been doing a little bit of editing when I can and when I'm not too tired to look at the screen, another reason for not blogging. I have been getting horrible headaches with all this staring at the screen. Which is why I was not going to work on my computer this morning, but print things out instead... well, anyway.....

Things I have been excited about this week:

1. Holy Musical B@tman. I was very excited about the fact there was going to be a new Starkid musical. Of course, not knowing ANYTHING about Batman (I do now) I was a little unsure, and I didn't know if I would get it. But I did. Most of it. I think. And I now know stuff about Batman that well, I never thought I would. It was a very slick performance and you can tell they've become more professional which was really great. The costumes, set, script, actors and everything were wonderful. I was a little unsure about the music to begin with. On the first watch it wasn't particuarly catchy, and it lacked that Disney quality that Daren always brings to the songs he writes, and as this musical only had Starkid's who lived in Chicago Darren was not involved. Yet, the music has grown on me, and it is now catchy. They did a great job, as always. And there were a couple of new members of the team who were awesome. Most notably Jeff Blim who played Sweet Tooth. He was AMAZING. His perfomance was so slick, the way he was able to do what he did was quite spectacular (I won't be specific). While it was very different from their other musicals, it reminded me just why I love these guys so much. They're TOTALLY AWESOME.

That was not meant to turn into a musical review - I apologise.

2. Secondly, something that I meant to mention ages ago but have been reminded of, as I'm so excited about it again is GLOW. Set up by four of the girls from Starkid, who are all wonderful in their own right, this is a website and blog set up to help girls 'glow'. It's a really inspiring community and I love it. It really makes me think, its encouraging and it gives me a place to belong. Girls, check it out. Its at www.knowyourglow.com Its awesome.

3. This website: www.ukyabooks.wordpress.com I want to write a post about YA books, which I've half started, anyway part of my point is that there is nothing about UK YA out there, but well, now there is. Awesome!

4. Heading back to Exeter next week!

And now I really need to get on with this essay. Apologies for the post that turned into a promotional post... I didn't mean to do that. But they're exciting things! :)

Home Again.

I'm really impressed at the number of people doing this A-Z blog challenge. Well done everyone! I did consider doing it, but I think it was a lucky decision that I ran out of time to organise it, because I'm already behind with everything else that I'm meant to be doing!

Arriving home has thrown my usual schedule into chaos, with so many different distractions, and no one really around to level with the same work commitments. Yet, and hopefully once everything has settled down this will be true, I thought it would be good to be away from all the distractions and be able to focus. So far not true. It's been chaos. I suppose the distractions come in different forms, and here there seem to be plenty. My writing has had to take a back seat as well, with so many other things to focus on. Oh well, it'll all sort itself out soon... I hope.

Today, so far, has been quite good however, and I have a whole free day, which is hopeful. Well, here goes...

End of Term.

Yet again it has reached that point: the end of term.

This term has gone extremely quickly, I can't quite beleive it really. It only hit me last night as I was trying to get to sleep that that was it. It was the end of term, and I was going home on Sunday (tomorrow) and we had had the last seminar of our undergraduate careeer. I still don't think that its quite sunk in, but it's a very strange thought. How did that happen?

Granted I still have my dissertation to finish over Easter and another essay to write - maybe when that's all handed in it will feel more real.

How did the last three years disappear like that?

Editing and Update

Apologies for my radio silence as it were. I always seem to be apologising at the moment don't I? It's been a busy few weeks and I just spent a beautiful and amazing weekend away, in this beautiful place:




Yes, that is Cornwall. In March. It was amazing <3 And so inspiring for my disseration (the place where Daphne du Maurier lived, and inspired her writing).Not the best representation as those aren't pictures of the town, but the estuary (the view out my hotel window) and the little beach at the edge of the town.

This week I have had to get properly back into work, but that has been okay, despite the gloomy weather, and the last few exciting weeks. But it's not all doom and gloom. I'm still excited about my dissertation, which is still going well. I can't believe how quickly this term is going though!

Some things I am excited about at the moment, because I felt like making a list:

1. the Starkid Space Tour album, which I have been listening to on repeat
2. The Hunger Games film coming out soon!
3. the Mcfly tour
4. the Mcfly book coming out later this year
5. my redrafting and editing
Among other things. Anyway, back to the EDITING!

p.s. when I started writing this, i.e. this morning, I could have sworn there were things I wanted to write about, and now... I can't remember. Apologies!

And it's all over.

What a hectic week it's been. Handed in an essay, had tonnes of rehearsals happening every day, Friday was my birthday, with rehearsals again the evening, and Saturday was also spent all day rehearsing and then the show itself, followed by the after show party, which meant that I didn't get to bed until past 4.30 in the morning, before getting up for chapel in the morning. I went to bed at nine last night, unsurprisingly, and didn't wake up until 9 this morning... I definitely needed that.
But now I have to catch up on the reading for this week (I should be doing that now) and catch up on blogging and all of that,and writing, and also revisit my dissertation... oh yeah.... THAT.

Oh well. I'll do it. I have that horrible feeling that it's all over though (that will be the last one of those shows I'm in as I graduate this year, but I'm hoping to come back and watch next year). At the same time I'm relieved that it went well and it's over and that we raised loads of charity, but at the same time, I'm sad because I enjoyed doing it so much, and it was so much fun, rehearsing with my friends all the time and writing it, and having a good time, and well, we became our characters. I'm also like, well what do I do now?!

I know I have loads of stuff to do, but I'm still sad. I feel a great sense of loss today (and happiness at having caught up on sleep...yesterday was a weird day). It's that sense of deflation, which comes with both my birthday and the musical having come and passed so quickly. You know, like at the end of a party when you just have all the dirty things to clear up? It's like that.

My birthday, while I didn't do anything special, was lovely, and my friends were all so lovely and generous to me. I got lots of cakes, and presents and cards, and I'm lucky to have so many lovely friends. I'm always surprised, but they're all wonderful. I'm old now. Or at least I feel old... which makes me think I need to update that profile about myself... ah man :( I'm beginning to ramble again.

Although there's still stuff to be excited about; I'm going to one of my favourite places at the weekend, in Cornwall, so I can't wait for that :D

Also, there's a new challenge so I'm going to try and get round to doing that soon, and I've been awarded a couple of blog awards, so I'm going to post about them soon!

Song Playlists

I started doing something today that I have never done before, but have seen other people talk about before: I started making a play list for my characters for this latest new exciting story. Maybe it was something to do with the fact that I didn't want to edit my essay anymore. There just suddenly seemed loads of songs that I thought, yes, that is that character. Which is all very exciting.

This week is a busy one; I have an essay due in, it's my birthday, and the annual MethAng musical, which means lots of last minute rehearsals and line learning! I had my family down over the weekend, which is why I didn't blog, which was lovely - although my brother said he'd somehow managed to find my blog (hey btw....) which was kinda ironic after my post about keeping worlds separate. Oh well. I both dread and look forward to this week. More look forward to I think. Last year I got ill and I've got my fingers crossed that it won't happen again... which is why I should go to bed now.

Although it's a bit of a last minute panic in some respects, I'm really looking forward to the musical - which isn't actually a musical anymore - this weekend. We seem to have taken our characters a bit too much to heart, and as we wrote the parts for ourselves, we kinda are becoming our characters. Although none of us are actors really, and we just do this every year to raise money for charity; a tradition that has been passed down through the society and never stopped, we all enjoy it and it is such good fun - when will I ever get a chance to do anything like that again? And, in a sad way, it makes me think that this is sort of what it must be like to be part of something like Team Starkid. We are all so close anyway, it's great fun, and it's brilliant to be able to be part of something so creative and fun. We did spend a few hours in the pub this evening however, basically being our characters and discussing back story and stuff..... and we keep automatically calling each other by our character names; alright until you know that they are the four horsemen of the apocalypse,and we're addressing one another as 'Death', 'War', 'Famine' and 'Conquest'... what other people must think.

Anyway, away from the point, not that I really had a point to this.

Writing wise I am still writing this new idea, although I am now feeling that I need to go back to my other projects and edit, although ideas are still swirling round my mind, there are some things I really need to sort out with that idea. Weirdly I find it easier to start and then go back and plan the rest. Or something like that anyway.

I need to finish that song play list as well....

But right now I need to sleep.

Keeping Up...

I'm trying my best to keep up with everything; I've been completely snowed under by work, and it seems like there is so much to keep up with at the moment, with all these new blogs and campaigner challenges and everything, so I apologise if I'm not keeping up (I also apologise for all this apologising... I'm English, what do you expect?!).

I have had tonnes of work to do (but handed something in today which is a relief) but, as always, I have found the time to do some writing and started something new - which I shouldn't be doing what with all this editing I'm trying to do, but the idea grabbed me and well, I had to... - and I hit 10,000 words on that last night which makes me happy. I will start doing that editing again.... Something struck me today in my dissertation workshop. I know we have tonnes of work and reading and all of that at the moment, and I work hard, and get unnecessarily stressed out. Yet I still make time to write and read what I want to. There were people - which to be fair always happens - saying that they have no time to read anything that's not for their course, nor to do any writing, and I'm just.. well, if you want to do it, you would do it right? That's what I think anyway. But then I wonder if I'm doing something wrong, or missing out on something (maybe the complex social life, but shhh... I do do things...). There is always time to do those things. I think so anyway.

Anyway, I'm using this brief window of time to catch up and post the first challenge, from Rach Writes' campaign. Which I post seperately, because of this ramble...

Stressed Out.

In many ways, it's been an utterly overwhelming week.

I have been stressed out, tired and way too busy, feeling like I have so much to do (I really do). I phoned my dad yesterday and when he asked if I was okay I burst into tears. Okay, so not great, and I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed, and utterly unproductive, despite setting aside today for what I thought would be a good productive working day (uni work that is) wasn't exactly so. I think I try to do too much at the same time, and then feel bad when I'm not working on the other thing, and it's all a bit stressful at the minute. I got some results back yesterday, which while they were good, and I should be pleased with them, I was at the same time disappointed becasue I had put so much work in and worked so hard, and still only done alright, when other people don't bother and do so much better than I do. Life's not fair is it?

Writing wise, I have done quite a bit of productive editing in the evenings (only an hour here and there, but it all helps) and am definitely on an up again. My mood yesterday and my decision to take a couple of hours utterly unwork related, mainly because I couldn't focus on anything and my dad told me to go buy coffee (any excuse) I did some free writing, just whatever came into my head, for the first time in ages. It was nice to write something other than my wip's, and good I think to do so. Rather interesting what I ended up with. Reminds me that I need time off from everything, even if I'm not very good at doing it - tonight's another example, although I'm hoping tomorrow will be more productive, with no excuses. *fingers crossed*

Feeling a little better now, and I'm hoping that the next few weeks will be okay. They should be, there's just so much to do - dissertation reading, dissertation extract to write, children's lit essay, children's lit presentation, lines to learn, weekly reading to do... but you know what, I don't want to complain (I'm aware that's what I'm doing) and I will stop now. I'm not going to do any more work tonight.. I don't think...

It's not the end of the world anyway, a few grades and essays? It doesn't matter, as my dad reminded me. It's just hard to remember that sometimes.

One last thing, before I end this moan; I was struck rather suddenly yesterday when I went out and had my coffee and sat observing everyone, as usual, and reading/writing. There was a little girl,and what must have been her carer behind me in the queue; the little girl had a hearing aid and a stick. She must have been about five or six, yet she seemed so happy and she was chattering away. It made me feel like, really, I don't have much to worry about. What are a few grades? It certainly made me think.

Anyway, off to do something productive...

ups and downs.

So I'm a bit stuck.

I don't like my story.

Well, I do. I really do.

The thing is I have three WIPs technically. And all three of them are at the editing stage.

I have plenty of new ideas in the works, but I really want to, as I said before, commit to finishing and editing and polishing things.

These three different things are at different stages. One of them I typed up over the summer, and finished off but wrote the year before (I have a feeling I'm repeating myself here, but bear with me.. I'm sorry. Trying to get my head back into things...). Another I wrote during the summer, and am now seriously trying to edit. The other is my NaNo novel. That one I'm still happy with. I still like that story, and I'm at very early editing stages so I haven't had time to become dissatisfied with it.

It's the middle one, the other one that is causing me trouble at the moment. I love the story. I love the idea. I love it. But reading it and trying to critically make it better, because of course I want it to be the best that it can be, is difficult. I'm starting to not like it, and think that the whole thing is ridiculous. A crisis of faith in it I suppose. I guess that writing is full of ups and downs; there are always going to be times when you don't like what you've written: I've experienced that before. It's just frustrating. It's just hard to know what to do. For now I'm working on my NaNo novel, and hoping a break will do me good in regards to the other one. Maybe I'll start liking it again. I suppose sometime soon I'll have to find some poor willing person to read stuff. That might reassure me (or not) or at least tell me where I'm going wrong/what to do.

But for now, I have to go and try and write a really awkward email to my tutor. Although I might just rock up tomorrow and hope she's around. But I really need to see her, so if she doesn't happen to be there, I'll be stuck till Monday.. dilemmas.

A new term awaits.

I've now been back nearly a week and I don't really know where it has gone. Having done my exam and handed everything in (finally!) I turned to sorting everything out which I had abandoned over the last few weeks, whilst I did everything else. As soon as my exam was over however, I felt like there were tonnes of other things that I needed to be doing. Luckily handing everything in yesterday (my story and my essay) relived some of that tension, but I still feel like there's lots to be done, although I've done all my reading for next week, it's catching up on other reading which I didn't do for my dissertation over Christmas, and getting back into the swing of that again. I now feel like it's time for a nice Christmas break.. oh wait...

It feels strange to think that the new term is around the corner, it doesn't really feel like we've stopped, yet at the same time, seeing everyone again and everything, it all seems rather far away... It's also odd to think that when the next holiday comes round I will have done this term, and my dissertation will be getting near ready to hand in. I feel like there should be another break in the middle of all of that. This term is certainly going to be busy - what with my dissertation (looking forward to getting going again!), my children's literature module (which I am SO excited to do, really would like to get going now, but I think that's what's odd about the last few days, it feels so... uncertain and like we're waiting for something. Anyway), the infamous MethAng Musical (again, EXCITED) and my birthday, and all the other stuff that generally happens in a term. Oh, and the usual family crisis just round the corner...

Having finished this short story I had to hand in this week, today I finally turned back to some of the longer pieces I have been working on which I neglected. Of course this short story wasn't the only reason I neglected these projects - I was beginning to work on other things and I wanted to get some time and space from them, so that when I went back it was with fresh eyes and I wasn't so attached, which I think definitely helps. One project, which I wrote a very rough first draft for last summer, is one which I'm looking at again and trying to be a lot more brutal and vicious with. I love the story so much, but it needs so much work and I'm determined to do that. However, it's always a bit of a surprise to be reading through and get to a chapter that just reads: 'chapter (number): to write'. Oh so encouraging... It's the same with something else I did a lot of work on over the summer. It still needs lots of work. I also opened up my NaNo novel from this year. I was uncertain what I was going to do with this. I actually quite liked what I wrote this year and it came easy-ish, unlike some years, so there's hope. I wanted to leave it for a while thought, and I reckon a month and a bit is an alright time. I've been so caught up with other stuff I've forgotten it really, and I suppose it won't hurt to just have a look at it - even if I put it away again for a few months!! I'm looking forward to getting back on track with all of them. Though of course that doesn't eliminate the itch to just write something... anything...

One last thing I want to mention, because it's been on my mind, before I end this rather long and rambling post, is a book I read last night. Or rather I want to RAVE about it. The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green. This book came out on Tuesday, with an impressive amount of online hype which I got sucked up into, despite only having read one of his novels before (Paper Towns and I really enjoyed it. Been wanting to read others for months!). I didn't order it however and when I was finally released back into the world on Thursday (seriously, I've been so trapped inside the last few weeks, partly because Christmas makes everyone hibernate away anyway, but also because of all this work. I'm not complaining, but I did start to get restless being back here and trapped inside. It's different at home, in the middle of nowhere) I made a trip to Waterstones and got myself a copy. It was lovely; they had a whole little table display with them on. Anyway, I'd read a bit of the first chapter on an online preview but that still didn't prepare me for it. I don't want to spoil it, but this book was beautiful and heart wrenching and oh so wonderful. I adore it. It made me cry. It made me laugh. It made me stay up late last night just to finish it. I couldn't put it down. It is such a wonderful book; I really couldn't recommend it enough. Such a powerful book. And on that note, over and out.

Back in Exeter

I mean to post last week something, but somehow the week escaped me, and here I am now, back in Exeter, having survived the train journey back, and somehow made it! It feels very strange to be back, but am beginning to adjust again. It's always strange to go from one place to another.

Last week was crazy busy, with lots of revision, essay writing, and story writing. I got quite a lot done which I was glad about. Quite productive really.

Trying to edit my story and get it just how I want it before I hand it in, which is always challenging, but hopefully once this exam is over I can really concentrate on it all.

Anway just a quick hello, nothing much to say!