Thursday, 26 April 2012

dissertation woes

The last week and a bit has absoutely flown by. In that time I've got back to Exeter. I made it back in one piece, although the rain fall since I've been here has been crazy. Oh well. It's absoutely wonderful to see friends again, although since Tuesday I've been mostly stuck at home, trying to finish this disseration and this essay.

I've got to the point where I'm not really getting anything productive done in the day - I keep getting really distracted by stupid things, I got a really good couple of hours back in my favourite cafe yesteday which was really good, but today hasn't been so good. I keep making small silly changes and trying to reread it, and I'm getting to the point where I'm thinking when do I stop? when do I say that's that? I'm fully concious of the fact I have to get it bound, which I want to do sooner rather than later, ideally tomorrow or Monday. But is tomorrow too soon? I'm thinking of leaving it until Monday... but... I don't know.. it's hard to know. Because once I've done that, that's it. Arggggh. I know it's not 'perfect', but I don't think ther'es much more I can do really.

I've also got my essay to finish and I keep umming over that too. That can be finished more last minute as it doesn't have to be bound or anything, so I'm telling myself to leave that until after the weekend. Oh man, I'm so bad at taking time off! And less than a week to go until hand in. At the same time I'm a perfectionist, I also can't wait to get it all in, and.... I don't know. I shouldn't be getting so stressed out but I am. I keep going from 'yeah it'll do', to 'this is rubbish and awful'. I suppose that's when I should take a break. A couple of people have read it (my disseration) which has been very helpful, but I still don't know. The thing is I think I always want to do what's right, when really I should do what's right for me, or what my gut's telling me....

I suppose in many ways its like writing (creatively). It's the nature of editing and rewriting. I'm never satisifed with what I write. Or even if I am, you always feel that its not quite right... do you know what I mean? I suppose it's knowing when it's the right time to stop.  When do you know though? I always, and I know other people have the same dilmenas and thoughts, swing between loving something and then hating it. At the minute I hate one of my projects and I'm ready to give it up, but then in the back of my mind I think, well I spent so long working on it... don't give it up... yet. And then other things seem more enchanting or much more fun to work on, and I suppose it's better to work on them for the time being. As long as I'm doing something. I got a little sidetracked here, I apologise. It's nearly over.

One last thing - the blogspot change.... it confuses me. I'm one of those people who hates change and it is just baffling to me this new layout. I'm sure I'll get used to it, but I keep clicking on the wrong buttons. 

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