Thursday, 8 March 2012

Challenge Number Two.

Once again I have been shoddily organised. I apologise. Yet again I seemed to run out of time regarding this challenge, this week seemed somehow to be as busy as the last, so I'm afraid I stuck to the most basic requirements, and using prompts one and two, wrote a 200 word piece, without doing any of the extras. I found it difficult enough without all the extra things. Hope it's okay. Better than nothing I suppose....

Under the Bridge

The bridge was rusty, the paint peeling off the underside. Joseph sat with his back to it, watching the girl nervously. She had tears streaming down her face and she was trying frantically to brush them away. Water was dripping onto her shoulders, not from her face, but her hair which was spread out over her shoulders as it dried.

Above them they could hear the thump, thump, as a ball was kicked against the edge of the bridge, and a parent’s shrill voice calling a child back.

‘Your leg.’ She whispered eventually.

He followed her gaze to the blood seeping out of a wound on his leg.

‘It’s nothing.’

‘But Joe,’

‘Really, Rose.’

She looked down again, not wanting to meet his eye.

The boy leaned back against the support, waiting. The water rushed by, and he watched, wondering, idly, what if it were to go wrong, if it were to do something that they didn’t expect, just once. Where would they be then?

He looked back at the girl who was now rootling through her bag.

‘There you go,’ she said as she pushed into his hands a white handkerchief. ‘That should do the trick.’

‘But,’

‘Use it.’

‘Right.'

8 comments:

  1. A good story, but you could make it with more tension...Still nicely done.

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    1. Thanks. Yes I agree, already feel like there were different things I could have done, but hey. :) x

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  2. Nice job. I'd like to challenge you to use less "being verbs" ... for example:

    Joseph sat with his back to the rusty underside of the bridge and watched the girl. Tears streamed down her face as she frantically tried to brush them away, and more water dripped from her hair onto her shoulders.

    Hope that helps in some way. :)

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  3. Nice work! A little more tension would work the story more, I agree with RaeAnn

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    1. Thanks! Yes I agree, thanks for reading! x

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