Bad things have happened to good people this week.
In so many different ways; unexpected bad news, expected bad news, ongoing worries and problems.
It's been a difficult week, and it's made me realise, yet again, how unfair life is. How unexpected, bad things can happen. How life is so short and unpredictable. It made me really sad, but also really angry. I've had my own experience of death and bereavement in the last few years, including this past week, but that doesn't prepare you for when it happens to you, or to someone else. And it makes you feel so helpless. You want to look after and love your friends, family - the people you love. There is nothing you can do to make it better, not really.
When it comes upon you so unexpected and unprepared for, its a different kind of shock and grief. my experiences have been with illnesses, things we have (tried to) prepare for - or course you can never be prepared, but you have some sort of warning. An unexpected death is so...
The last few days I have found myself trying to express words that I have known and wanted to say but found myself ultimately unable to put into physical words and speech. I never realised before quite how different it was to be in that position, trying to comfort someone else.
It's still difficult to put it all into words here, but I have experienced such a mixture of bad news from various people this week, and tried to help others and talked, a hell of a lot and worried. I know that just being there for people is something and sometimes that's all you can do. Listen. And drink tea. And give lots of hugs. Do silly things. But it's so hard, because I don't want my friends to be hurting. I want them to be happy. But it makes me feel so helpless, because I want to help them and do everything I can, whatever that is.
I'm still finding it so hard to express all of this and put it into words. Maybe I'll feel clearer tomorrow. Here's to the end of the week, although this week is going to be difficult too, but let's hope it begins to get better soon.
p.s. sorry for the lack of writing stuff. Normal service will resume shortly...